Martha, Mary and Killer Stress
Luke 10:38-42
Carol Armstrong-Moore
June 21, 2009
I was recently sharing with some friends that I was about to preach on the topic of stress and didn't have a good illustration to kick off the sermon. I was immediately offered an array of possibilities from which I have chosen this one: When a certain couple's oldest son was about 18 months old they took a trip from D.C. to Luray, Virginia for the weekend. They left D.C. on a Friday evening and headed straight out Route 66 only to sit in bumper to bumper traffic. The dad was driving and the child's car seat was in the back seat behind the mom. Very early in the trip, the baby's bottle of juice ran dry. "More, more, more!" the young toddler demanded. Mom said, "It's all gone." The child became more insistent: "MORE, MORE, MORE!" he screamed. The dad said, "There is no more, more, more." at which point the child threw his bottle and hit his father directly on the side of the head! In response to that, the dad picked up the bottle and sent it sailing out his open window! The little guy then lost it and it is reported that he screamed like a siren for virtually the remainder of the trip. I think this is a fine illustration of how stress begets stress - and a reminder of that special stress that is reserved just for parents of young children.
We all know that stress is bad for us and that its close cousin, worry, is a waste of time and energy. Jesus implored the first disciples, "Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes?.And who of you, by worrying, can add even a cubit to the span of your life?
I wonder if Jesus would be surprised to find that not only can you not lengthen your life by worrying, you can actually shorten it! Modern medicine has learned that stress can cause dangerous changes to our bodies. Did you know that chronic stress can give you high blood pressure, coronary artery disease - it can even shrink your brain! Stanford University researcher Robert Sapolsky was amazed to discover that, as he puts it, "Chronic stress can do something as unsubtle and grotesque as kill some of your brain cells."
Once upon a time, the full-blown stress response helped us to survive. Picture our ancestors on the savannah and suddenly there's a saber-toothed tiger coming at them. It was really helpful to have your heart and lungs start racing, pumping more oxygen into the blood, your muscles tense up for action, all non-essential functions shut down like tissue repair and reproduction. That works great for three minutes of screaming terror and then it's over - one way or another.
But now, picture yourself driving in our D.C. area traffic. Someone cuts you off and nearly hits you. The adrenaline and other stress hormones kick into gear and you're ready to take out the saber-toothed tiger in that cute little Prius ahead of you. That's the stress response turned road rage.
The big problem is that what is supposed to be a short, intense response to a real life-threatening situation becomes an ongoing way of being. Sapolsky talks about what can happen to your body when it "marinates in a corrosive bath of stress hormones" It is absolutely daunting. They've now determined that prolonged stress causes us to accumulate fat specifically in the belly area. It also shortens something called "telomeres". My very non-scientific understanding is that the human chromosome is like a bundle of strands of DNA and on either end of each chromosome is this little cap called a "telomere". Researchers know that our telomeres naturally shorten as we age. But now they've learned that chronic stress causes them to shorten prematurely. When they go away, the chromosome unravels and that is never good.
So it would be one thing if the only stressor that came your way all day was one lousy driver ahead of you. But imagine now that you get stuck in traffic, and you're already running late to a very important meeting, and suddenly you realize, I have to pick up Johnny from soccer at 6:00 and I haven't figured out what to do about dinner yet, and maybe I'd better call Fred because there's no way I'm going to finish this meeting in time to pick Johnny up and I sure hope he remembered those library books and by the way is TOMORROW when I said I'd bring three dozen cupcakes to school? What was I thinking? That is your mind on chronic stress. That is our modern, fast-paced reality. But maybe you're not an overcommitted parent racing around with overscheduled children.
Maybe you're a retired person whose children are grown -- and are currently at serious risk of losing their jobs. Maybe you sometimes wake up at 4:00 in the morning and can't get back to sleep because you're concerned that your son or daughter is trying to do too much. Your mind jumps to the retirement account that has taken such a hit in recent months. And then to the question of how long you are going to stay in your big house and how you don't want to become a burden to your children.
Or maybe you're young and single. You face the prospect of finding a job in this economic environment, trying to keep a positive attitude after applying for dozens of positions and hearing nothing back. Maybe you worry about how you will pay off your student loans, when you will find time to get to the gym, when you might meet that special someone with whom to share your life.
Or maybe you're still a child. Last fall our kids' school had a poetry reading . Every fifth grader shared an original poem. They were wonderful and funny and poignant. One, however, I found disturbing. It was written by a girl named Tiffany and it is called "Overwhelmed":
Overwhelmed looks like a scribble a child drew
Because that's what the person's brain looks like inside
Overwhelmed sounds like a violin player with screeches and squeaks because being overwhelmed pierces your mind
and you just want to run away
Overwhelmed feels like a roller coaster because it's such a twisty ride
Overwhelmed tastes like sour tarnished metal
Because being overwhelmed might make you mean and sour
Overwhelmed smells like a terrible skunk
Because being overwhelmed won't go away
Until you make major changes
Overwhelmed moves like a hectic bee because
Being overwhelmed will make you extreme
If overwhelmed could speak it would say:
"Is this right?" Or maybe?
I think I have 5 tests and 8 pages of homework?"
Because overwhelmed is your personal planner
We may think of the issue of stress and coping out as a profoundly personal one. But when a 10-year old girl is moved to write so eloquently about being "overwhelmed" there is something seriously wrong on a societal level.
How many millions of children in this world are needlessly exposed to the chronic stress of not having enough food to eat or clean water to drink?
How many children live with the constant threat of violence - whether in the Middle East or in Southeast D.C.?
How many are "overwhelmed" in Potomac or Chevy Chase?
And what can we begin to do about it?
I think the Martha and Mary story invites us to take seriously how we participate in and perpetuate the frenetic pace of our modern world.
The scene opens with Martha welcoming Jesus and the disciples into their home. Martha is buzzing around the kitchen, very busy, preparing food for a crowd. Mary, meanwhile, plants herself at the feet of Jesus and listens attentively to everything he says. We can imagine what is going on in Martha's head. She is seriously frustrated and stressed out. Again, she's stuck in the kitchen trying to get everything ready for the guests who are waiting and Mary does not lift a finger. Maybe Martha starts setting things down a little harder than she has to as her frustration grows. Then, when she reaches a boiling point, she busts out of the kitchen and heads straight for Jesus. Notice the perfect triangulation so common in families. She doesn't address the source of her angst, Mary. She implores Jesus to do something. "DO YOU NOT CARE that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to get her lazy self into the kitchen and help me then."
In a recent discussion of this passage with the Tuesday Morning Bible Study we all agreed that our usual interpretation of this story is too shallow. It has been used to turn these two women into caricatures and to categorize people into two camps. Are you a Martha or a Mary? Martha is the activist, Mary the contemplative. Martha complains to Jesus, Jesus rebukes her and says Mary has chosen the better part. Mary's right, Martha's wrong. Better to listen to Jesus than to get stuff done. End of story. We think it's more complex than that. To oversimplify the story is to miss the richness of its message. Let us consider for a moment the context in which this little snapshot of Martha and Mary is framed. Hear these words from the beginning of the 11th chapter of the Gospel of John: Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
Jesus did not come right away. In fact, by the time he arrived, Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days. Notice that when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she ran out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. And Martha again is very direct with Jesus. As one writer puts it, "Her greeting to Jesus was tinged with complaint. "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.'" WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!? But listen to her rock solid faith as well: "Even now, I know that God will give you whatever you ask."
So in a larger context we see that Martha is a woman of tremendous faith and more complex than we might have imagined. Obviously she's paid some attention to what Jesus has been saying and doing. And obviously there was a lot more going on with her that day in the kitchen than just an unhelpful sister. We don't know the timing of these events, but we know that this same woman experienced the illness and death of her beloved brother and all the pain and struggle and stress that goes with such a family crisis.
In this larger context Martha is a woman whose relationship with Jesus is so close and solid that she is not afraid to lay it all out in complete candor. "Do you not care?" "Do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work?"
Now here's where most of the commentaries say Jesus rebuked Martha. He chided her. I don't think so. A lot of the meaning of our words is contained in the tone of voice, the facial expressions, the gestures - all of which is lost in the written word. Did Jesus say, "MARTHA! MARTHA! You are worried and anxious about so many things. Only one thing is needed" ?a rebuke, a lecture, a scolding almost. Or did he say, "Martha, dear Martha, You are worried and anxious about so many things. Only one thing is needed." Come, sit by my side, release the worries of your mind, and let your weary heart be filled with my love."
Maybe Martha went to Jesus rather than Mary because she intuitively knew that Jesus was the only one who could really help her. She wasn't just upset at her sister. She was stressed out, worn out, overwhelmed. Of course she would go to him with such a heavy heart.
Maybe therein lays the heart of the message for us.
Do you remember the telomeres? The little end caps on our chromosomes that hold it all together? Well, there is also an enzyme called telomerase which, to the best of my understanding, helps the telomeres to elongate. Natural replication cycles cause some shortening - chronic stress causes a lot, and telomerase has a kind of healing effect to elongate the telomeres. Well, this you are not going to believe: A researcher looked at a group of moms of severely disabled young children. This is a group exposed to an exceptionally high level of chronic stress. One group was comprised of individuals who did not know each other or have any contact. The other group is a support group that meets together weekly to share their pain, their frustrations, their fears, to listen to one another, to laugh together, and to care. And guess what? They produce more telomerase than those who don't meet together. The research is preliminary, but it looks as if the deadly effects of chronic stress can actually be reversed through connection, compassion and caring.
Martha, dear Martha, you are worried and anxious about so many things? only one thing is needed. Come, sit by my side, release the worries of your mind, and let your weary heart be filled with my love.
I believe that the traditional Martha/Mary dichotomy is false. We know we can be working hard in the kitchen with a calm mind, a joyful spirit, a heart full of love. And by the same token we can be sitting in church with a knot in our stomach and a head dizzy with worries. Someone recently told me that he sometimes feels we are like ducks - gliding along the surface with such apparent ease. But underneath, we are paddling like crazy - barely holding it all together! And what really matters is what's underneath.
Jesus said, "Do not worry about your life." Of course some worry is inevitable and even occasionally helpful. "Do not worry about tomorrow" doesn't mean "forget studying for that chemistry test" or "don't bother to prepare for that job interview". As one commentator puts it, "Do not worry about tomorrow speaks to the deeper, more basic fear that something is out there in the future that can destroy our basic worth as a human being, something finally stronger than God's care, some silent killer shark swimming toward us from the future."
Here is the miracle: whether we listen quietly at the feet of Jesus or we get stressed out and complain loudly to his face - DO YOU NOT CARE?? We find that God does care - immensely. And that we are needlessly suffering the dangerous effects of our stressful lives. And that when we care - when we serve and are served - we also heal and are healed through God's transforming love. "Our hearts are restless" said St. Augustine "until they rest in Thee." Restless anxiety over what tomorrow may hold is a sign that our hearts have not found their true home. Today Jesus is saying to us:
"My beloved, you are worried and anxious about so many things.
Come, sit by my side. Let go of the worries of your mind.
Let my love fill your weary heart and give you a peace that passes all human understanding, no matter what."